manifest...oh!

i’ve been thinking about this idea of ‘be in love with everyone’ pretty much nonstop, and i think its really the best.

i thought i might have just lost it, but the more people i talk to, it seems like everyone wants to be on board. maybe i’ve found it

i was talking to renee about all this and it all became so confusing and clear at once.

shit.
i realize i’m about to try to explain something complicated in an organized fashion.
here we go.

ok. if you ask any individual, for the most part, “do you value being kind?” or “do you wish the world were a kinder place?/wish people were kinder to you?”  im pretty sure everyone would say yes.
so why do we, as a collective of those individuals, fail to have a society that embodies those values?

next-> i’m going to make some generalizations based on feelings ive had in the past, that have been shared by everyone ive ever spoken with about them.
    i think a lot of people are walking around thinking they are the only self-conscious, insecure, where-was-i-when-they-handed-out-the-instruction-manual-for-life?, what-the-hell-is-going-on people out there.
i used to.
then everyone was like, oh man, me too. its everybody.
im pretty sure its common to judge ourselves by how we feel on the inside in comparison to how others look like they might feel from the outside.
thats apples and oranges man.
thats why it seems like everyone really has their shit together. you seem like that to them too. nobody, for the most part, i think, realizes that we’re all doing this.

its like, what do you do when you have no idea whats going on? look around. see what everyone else is doing. try to act like that.

but its so silly when everyone is doing that and no one knows.

SO-> we all want the kind, loving place. but we need to blend in. so we do the things that are ‘socially acceptable’, many of which totally suck. and we repress our loving selves because, shit, we might get judged. then everyone would know we werent right at all, just like we were afraid of.

i think people are suffering needlessly, and are boiling from the inside wanting this love, but its like a buffet... nobody wants to be the first asshole piling up their plate alone while everyone watches them. but as soon as the first one goes...another...then the flood. because we were all so hungry and waiting.

so let me be the asshole up there alone if i have to be. i’m pretty sure i’ll be in great company pretty soon...